You would not believe how many people wonder about this, but I guess it’s natural because I’ve also wondered about others. I don’t exactly have a salacious past, but in my current marriage, I would say that this part of our relationship was amazing. We were always very compatible- things were just easy. Not unlike most women, however, I like things a certain way… more like require things a certain way in order to get to where I’m going if you catch my drift 💥.
Fortunately for me, I married THE MOST patient man on the planet. After my accident, there was never a rush to get back to that; he never pressured me or made me feel guilty. Not even once. He was just so happy that I was alive and doing better than expected that I don’t think he would’ve been bitter if sex was off the table for good. He may have been a little… shall we say… antsy, but not bitter 😉. I can’t remember exactly how long it was, but it was a good five months after the accident before we got to explore that again, and there were definitely obstacles which we expected. Because of my injury, I have some places on my body where I have decreased sensation and even completely numb in some places. My bladder was affected, and well, so were other things…
So what does all of this mean for how things are going now? To put it quite bluntly, my shit don’t work like it used to and it really effing sucks! Not only does it not work like it used to, but I’m not able to position myself like I would like because of a bum leg and severe neck pain. All is definitely not lost, though. We just have to figure out a new normal, and we are getting there, but still have a ways to go. I, for one, plan on enjoying the process, though. Having some of the physical taken away from me allows me to be more mentally present in the moment than I used to be, and there’s a lot to be said for that.
There was this one night in particular where we were both determined to figure this out! We were doing the damn thing and it was spectacular save for one problem: no matter what we did, I just could NOT, you know, *gestures frantically* OOOOOOOOOoooooooo! And my poor husband. My poor, poor husband lol. In a culmination of sexual frustration, sadness over everything that’s happened to me, and sheer anger, I BURST into tears sobbing hysterically and ruin it for him too. The poor guy has NO idea why I’m acting like a hysterical lunatic and thinks I’m mad at him, but I’m crying too hard to explain anything on top of having the worst itch I can’t scratch, and it was just a recipe for complete disaster that night.
It wasn’t all bad, though. Up until that moment, it was amazing, actually. What it showed me was that I was bottling too much stuff up inside, and by not talking about it, it was going to come out one way or another. In his attempts to see the bright side of things, Lee would always say things like: “but you’re here!” or “it could be worse” in response to me complaining about something. While he’s absolutely right, we have to be allowed to be angry and sad about a crappy situation or that shit is going to get shoved down ready to come right on out at the absolute wrong and most inopportune time. Learn from my mistakes and do it for your sexual health, guys!
So what I would say to others who may find themselves in this situation for the first time would just be to take things slowly and don’t have expectations. If you can’t discuss things openly and honestly with whoever you’re bumping uglies with, then you’re with the wrong one, ya feel me?