I am not nor have I ever been a very festive person. I don’t generally look forward to any holidays or feel the need to go overboard with decorations or anything like that, and I’m not really sure why to tell you the truth. A lot of it probably has to do with years of shift work and missing holidays, and I think the rest of it is most likely due to being hopelessly introverted. It seems like things started to change for me back in 2017 when we bought our camper. We’ve had some great camping trips over the years, but when I think about my favorite ones, they are usually in October so I have become extremely fond of the fall season.
The next fall, the fall of 2020, I was super excited for the next camping trip that we booked a year in advance, but missed out when I became seriously ill with covid. I was hospitalized for two weeks and out of work for three months. It really wrecked havoc on my lungs and spirit, but that’s a whole other blog post! When I got out of the hospital, most of the leaves had already changed, and I didn’t feel like doing activities so I pretty much stayed inside until I went back to work in January of 2021. Needless to say, I had BIG plans for fall 2021!
We set out making ghosts out of chicken wire to put in the yard, took several bike rides on our new e-bikes, and I even crocheted a skeleton table runner to set out and make the house a little more festive for Halloween. The night before the accident we were on Amazon shopping for Halloween costumes to wear to my ex-husband’s party- the first Halloween party I would be attending in over ten years- THAT’S how introverted I am!
So far this year, I’ve been too scared to get excited about the fall. I think my brain is starting to associate that time of the year with bad things happening, so I’m having reservations this year, but honestly hadn’t given it much thought until the other day…
I had to make a quick run to the store for toilet paper, and as I was leaving, something caught my attention, and I grabbed my chest and gasped. It was the weirdest, most unexpected gut punch! At the time of this writing it’s the end of August. The store I was in had put their Halloween decorations out and I didn’t notice them until I was leaving… when I saw them, it stopped me in my tracks and took my breath away.
I guess all that to say is that I don’t think I’m mentally prepared for the fall season this year and all that might entail. If the incident in that store was any indication, I’m in for another bumpy rollercoaster ride, but maybe sometime I’ll get to enjoy and appreciate my previously favorite time of the year.
PTSD is a very strange thing……hopefully it will ease over time.
I think it will- I’ve just got to get through this fall alive! 🤣
one day at a time…..which I’m sure you already are well aware of