I just realized most of my post titles are also song titles. Whoops! That actually wasn’t intentional, but hey, do what works, am I right? This title is slightly misleading as I lost my religion many years ago- I just got tired of the constant, unwelcome opinions from others, so I quit talking about it. My skin is much thicker now, and I guess I’m ready to address it again since there are so many new people here now that I’m a local D-list celebrity.
In my last blog post, I announced that I was starting a youtube channel, and I kind of expected it to crash and burn. Still, I was willing to let it because I just wanted a way to document some of my life and leave something behind for my family should something (else) happen to me. It did really well and was approved for monetization within two weeks! I was ECSTATIC! With that approval and a viral TikTok video, the hate comments started coming, which I expected. I’ve been called fat, lazy, a scammer, a liar, and unappreciative of the people that saved my life (the latter makes me the most angry). Granted, of the thousands and thousands of comments I’ve read, the hateful ones are few and far between, but it still stings a little sometimes. The love and support I’ve received from people that read this blog as well as the people that watch our YouTube videos, has been amazing, and warm, and just so unexpectedly comforting! If you’re one of these people: THANK YOU! Just watching/interacting with the videos or reading this blog is literally putting money in my pocket now, and that is an amazing feeling. When I had the accident, I lost all of my income; to be able to interact with others, share my story, write down my feelings, AND make a little money is such a satisfying thing for me. It makes me feel like I’ve accomplished something. Like I will one day be able to say that the accident changed our life for the better. Anyways, all of that to say that I had one question asked of me by a YouTube viewer that needs its own post.
That’s right. Zero. Before you get out the pitchforks, please hear me out. I live in the deep south bible belt. I grew up in a southern baptist church. I’ve read the Bible. I’ve read many, many books on religion. I took a Sociology class in college on religion. I have been exposed to and indoctrinated from all angles for my entire life, and I consider myself fortunate that I’m able to look at life outside of the religious bubble. I don’t subscribe to the belief that I need a higher power to be a moral person or a book to guide me through life. (There’s some weird stuff in the bible, yo!) The people I am closest to all know this already, so this is nothing new for them. I guess you could say I’m coming out of the closet… again (because I’ve done this before on my own social media).
In a way, it feels as though I’m using this blog post to ‘come out,’ but also at the same time begging people not to come at me about it, but I know it’s going to happen no matter how nicely I ask, or how well I articulate my points. Think about this: Ever wondered about the role geography plays regarding religion? Could you honestly say that if you were born in a different part of the world, you would have the same beliefs you currently hold? Please understand that I’m not trying to change anyone’s beliefs; I am simply trying to defend my lack of belief in a higher power. Many years of being an open agnostic, atheist, nonbeliever (insert whatever term you would like) in Alabama will make you defensive.
Having said all of that, now that I have survived what should have been unsurvivable, I feel like I’m carrying this weight on my shoulders because people have expectations of me to use this as a testimony of what their god has done for me, and they’re going to be highly disappointed when they read this post; some will even send me some really nasty hate mail, but I’m just being honest. This blog is a representation of my true self, not who others would like me to be, and it’s not fair to pin those expectations on me. The only thing I’m obligated to do is make sure I am the best wife, mother, and decent human that I can be. Someone going through something similar will read this and maybe feel a little less alone for a while- this is for you. For the internet trolls who have nothing better to do with their day than harass people just trying to get through their day, well, you’ll get your fifteen minutes of fame, and you’ll still be a miserable wanker.
Under his eye or whatever.