I just realized most of my post titles are also song titles. Whoops! That actually wasn’t intentional, but hey, do what works, am I right? This title is slightly misleading as I lost my religion many years ago- I just got tired of the constant, unwelcome opinions from others, so I quit talking about it. My skin is much thicker now, and I guess I’m ready to address it again since there are so many new people here now that I’m a local D-list celebrity.

“WHY HAVEN’T YOU THANKED GOD FOR HEALING YOU!?!?

ME: “WHICH ONE?”

In my last blog post, I announced that I was starting a youtube channel, and I kind of expected it to crash and burn. Still, I was willing to let it because I just wanted a way to document some of my life and leave something behind for my family should something (else) happen to me. It did really well and was approved for monetization within two weeks! I was ECSTATIC! With that approval and a viral TikTok video, the hate comments started coming, which I expected. I’ve been called fat, lazy, a scammer, a liar, and unappreciative of the people that saved my life (the latter makes me the most angry). Granted, of the thousands and thousands of comments I’ve read, the hateful ones are few and far between, but it still stings a little sometimes. The love and support I’ve received from people that read this blog as well as the people that watch our YouTube videos, has been amazing, and warm, and just so unexpectedly comforting! If you’re one of these people: THANK YOU! Just watching/interacting with the videos or reading this blog is literally putting money in my pocket now, and that is an amazing feeling. When I had the accident, I lost all of my income; to be able to interact with others, share my story, write down my feelings, AND make a little money is such a satisfying thing for me. It makes me feel like I’ve accomplished something. Like I will one day be able to say that the accident changed our life for the better. Anyways, all of that to say that I had one question asked of me by a YouTube viewer that needs its own post.

“What role has your faith/religion played in your recovery?”

None

That’s right. Zero. Before you get out the pitchforks, please hear me out. I live in the deep south bible belt. I grew up in a southern baptist church. I’ve read the Bible. I’ve read many, many books on religion. I took a Sociology class in college on religion. I have been exposed to and indoctrinated from all angles for my entire life, and I consider myself fortunate that I’m able to look at life outside of the religious bubble. I don’t subscribe to the belief that I need a higher power to be a moral person or a book to guide me through life. (There’s some weird stuff in the bible, yo!) The people I am closest to all know this already, so this is nothing new for them. I guess you could say I’m coming out of the closet… again (because I’ve done this before on my own social media).

In a way, it feels as though I’m using this blog post to ‘come out,’ but also at the same time begging people not to come at me about it, but I know it’s going to happen no matter how nicely I ask, or how well I articulate my points. Think about this: Ever wondered about the role geography plays regarding religion? Could you honestly say that if you were born in a different part of the world, you would have the same beliefs you currently hold? Please understand that I’m not trying to change anyone’s beliefs; I am simply trying to defend my lack of belief in a higher power. Many years of being an open agnostic, atheist, nonbeliever (insert whatever term you would like) in Alabama will make you defensive.

Having said all of that, now that I have survived what should have been unsurvivable, I feel like I’m carrying this weight on my shoulders because people have expectations of me to use this as a testimony of what their god has done for me, and they’re going to be highly disappointed when they read this post; some will even send me some really nasty hate mail, but I’m just being honest. This blog is a representation of my true self, not who others would like me to be, and it’s not fair to pin those expectations on me. The only thing I’m obligated to do is make sure I am the best wife, mother, and decent human that I can be. Someone going through something similar will read this and maybe feel a little less alone for a while- this is for you. For the internet trolls who have nothing better to do with their day than harass people just trying to get through their day, well, you’ll get your fifteen minutes of fame, and you’ll still be a miserable wanker.

Under his eye or whatever.

13 thoughts on “Losing My Religion

  1. As a Christian it isn’t my place to judge and I haven’t and I won’t.
    You may not believe in a higher power, but there is no doubt in my mind, He believes in you!!

  2. I love it! Especially the miserable wanker part. I do believe in a higher power but always had a hard time with “it was God’s hand” when someone lives through a trauma or illness. What the hell is it when someone doesn’t live? I don’t understand it and probably never will but, I don’t believe God picks and chooses things like that. 🐞

  3. West coast pastor here: you do you. What a horrific injury you have endured, and hearing that journey in an honest way is so admirable. Keep on sharing!

  4. I gave up Christianity for good this past spring, but I started giving up on it a long time ago when I was in nursing school (I was a nurse, now I am a special education teacher) and had a 5 year old pediatric patient with Leukemia. She didn’t have the leukemia that kids get, she had the adult version. Her parents were drug addicts and beat her and she was taken away. She lived with her grandparents but grandma had died, and grandad was taking care of her but they had lost their house due to medical payments and he was living in the hospital parking lot in an RV. She hadn’t left the hospital for almost 2 years. She was in constant pain and irritable af. SHE WAS 5 YEARS OLD! What kind of god lets a small child suffer like that, endlessly, for her entire life?!?? I had a religious crisis and nothing anyone could say (friends, pastor, therapist, etc) could change that feeling. When I think about the suffering in the world, and there is a lot, there is no one god. If you believe there is, more power to you, but I don’t. And recent politics have cemented that thought for me. But I am spiritual and look in awe at our amazing and magnificent natural world.

    I found you through your videos. Not sure why they were recommended to me but here I am. They spoke to me and I hope you continue. I will go back and interact with all of them since I know how that algorithm works. I am happy that you have found a way to monetize it. And do some videos of your absolutely amazing crochet works. Your sweater, those blankets, that skeleton, just wow!! That will attract a different crowd but all of it will help. Looking forward to your next installment, both here and on youtube. You could designate someone you know to go through your comments first to get rid of the trolls and nasties that seem to proliferate these days so you don’t have to deal with them and the emotions they can trigger.

    1. I agree wholeheartedly. When I had my ‘religious crisis’ years ago, I would ask those same questions, and all I would get was “it’s not for us to understand,” or “we can’t question god” or something to that effect. That just wasn’t good enough for me. Either he doesn’t exist or he’s really freaking cruel. Either way; I’m not interested.

      Thank you for taking the time to comment! My teenage son has access to everything, so he will delete comments sometimes before I even see them. He’s sweet and protective of me.

    2. We are never to question why things happen wether it’s a child of 3 or an adult it was supposed to happen like it did. I myself have had 3 auto accidents and struck by a car….never questioned once and have never said why me because that’s where questioning comes in. Christie it’s nice to see the other side of things and wish you the best…I stand with your husband though.

  5. Randomly stumbled across one of your YouTube videos and decided to check out the blog when you mentioned it in the second survival story video. I’d have to say, from reading this, I’ve gone from casual viewer to invested party. Not at all what I was expecting – and discovered that we have much in common! I will continue to follow your journey, and my very best to you.

  6. Hello from Poland!

    Coming here straight from youtube, of course, and apologising in advance for any grammar/spelling mistakes that may occur, as English is my second language (and not as sophisticated as I’d like it to be).
    There’s probably a thousand things I’d like to tell you, but most of them would stumble over the language barrier, so I will just say a few. First of all: you are amazing. You’re such a kind, good, intelligent, beautiful and loving person that I’m lost for words to even try to describe it. I truly admire you.

    Second of all: my country is considered very catholic. All my family consists of strong believers (some of them bordering on crazy, I’d say), and… I’m NOT. So I get you when you say it’s not easy to be a black ship amongst all those “holier than thou” (if that’s how it’s spelled). And I didn’t “lose my religion” suddenly, due to some traumatic experience or other kind of epiphany, no. Raised catholic, going to church, listening to the priests droning on and on about the merciful god who rewards the poor and meek, and all the time seeing as those same priests drove around in expensive cars, living luxuriously, dressing in gold and purple, I gradually started seeing through the mystification, so to say. Religion is a business and a mighty source of power, it has always been.

    And you are absolutely right about that one doesn’t need a book (or a priest, for that matter) to guide them, or make them a good person. I am more empathic and caring, both about people and animals, than I’d like to be, and I don’t need a magical entity to keep an eye on me or keep me hanging on a promise of some wonderful things that will happen to me “on the other side” if I behave 😉 You’re also right about the geographical impact on what god people believe in, and it’s so absurd to me that those most interested don’t see it (or don’t want to).

    I will let myself say it again: YOU ARE AMAZING. Thank you for this blog, for the videos covering your accident (instead of thinking “that was a miracle” I immediately thought: what a strong, brave and wholesome person she is, enduring all that and coming out of it not an ounce a bitter wreck, which I for sure would have become), I wish you all the best in life and please pass my best regards to your husband, too.
    (Oh, and one more thing: you’ve probably realized by now, that haters, crazy preachers and all kind of internet trolls are just sad, frustrated or immature people who will pick on you because you’re normal, and they’d rather you be just like them – sad, ignorant, weak and submerged in fear. I know that sounds ridiculous but I don’t want to waste any more of your time explaining – just be you, because you’re doing it right).

    Sincerely yours,

    Anna

    1. Oh my goodness! I love this comment so much, and I love you for writing it! Please never apologize for the language barrier- you are speaking a second language, which I could never do and I so admire you for that! I can’t believe someone all the way in Poland is reading or watching anything my country ass is writing 😂. Sending you a BIG virtual hug from Alabama! ❤️

  7. It did sadden me to hear this. However we do not have to agree for me to appreciate your story of survival.🙂

    1. you are so brave! Knowing the southern Bible Belt culture, I’d say this is the most vulnerable post you wrote yet! (And you shared a lot of vulnerable and intimate moments of your accident, your mental state and your relationships)
      I admire your inner strength to stay true to yourself! I am more spiritual than religious; and Derek is turning me into an admirer of cosmos and our universe 😂That stuff is so magical, yet its science and evidence based!
      Anywho, love love your posts

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