Wow! I’ve really neglected this blog 😬. Is it really neglect though if I’m doing it for myself? I don’t think so. I’ve got to figure out how to get these stupid ads off of the site because they are incredibly annoying. I was so excited when I figured out I could get paid through adsense for making blog posts- and I made a whole $50 my first month 🤣.

As of late, I’ve been feeling really good (mentally), but my body still feels like it’s failing me. Everything hurts, like all the time and I’m scared that the immobility of the last two years has set me on a path to even poorer health and that scares me. Over the past few weeks, I’ve been setting an alarm every day and getting up between 7-8 am (usually the latter, tbh) and going to “work”. By “work” I mean my YouTube channel. It really sounds silly, and for some reason a little embarrassing to say that I’m “working” as a You-Tuber. I’m really enjoying it, though. I’ve been learning so much, and getting up everyday with a plan and purpose has been SO good for my mental health- I cannot stress just how good it has been to have something to focus on. I’ve had the channel for just over a year now, and made a little over $4k. I know it’s not as much as an actual job, but it’s better than nothing, and has really been helpful. Recently we had like $800 of car insurance coming out, and things got tight and stressful, but then I had a good month on YouTube and got paid $800 that month, and that felt really good to be able to contribute in that way. I REALLY want to keep working at it and see what happens.

Nothing is perfect, though. I knew that opening myself up on the internet would bring lots of negativity, and it has; not NEAR as much as all of the positive, though. I have a whole photo album on my phone of screenshots from awful people. Most of them are Christians who seem to take delight in telling me I’m going to burn in hell… ironic, huh? What I think most of them fail to realize is that believing in something isn’t a choice. You do or you don’t. Worshiping something is definitely a choice, but the belief itself is not something you can choose. You don’t choose to not believe in Santa Claus… you don’t choose to not believe in Vishnu… you just don’t believe in them due to the evidence you have or haven’t been presented with. Simple as that. I could go on, but I won’t; not today.

I’ve been working on a video podcast called “The 411 on 911,” and I’m excited to see where that goes. I took the past few days off of “work” because I’ve been so preoccupied and busy and putting a lot of pressure on myself, but it’s been a weird few days. Instead of relaxed, I’ve felt more just kind of “blah” and lost. On top of that, both the kids are now working, living their own lives, and being more independent. How dare they!

I have an appointment tomorrow with my neurosurgeon, and that always makes me really nervous because I don’t always get the best news. I’ve been having a lot of tingling and decreased sensation in my left pinky finger and the palm of my hand. Best case scenario is it’s my ulnar nerve from propping my head on my hand while editing video, OR it’s my neck… worst case scenario. That’s probably a big reason for me feeling so weird the past few days and I just realized it.

I will keep you posted somehow via here, YT, FB or whatever. I don’t know if there’s even people that read this that don’t follow me on social media, but here’s a few recent pics just in case 🙂

One thought on “It’s Been A While

  1. I don’t know how you feel physically because I haven’t been through anything so tragic, but I do understand the way you feel emotionally in that I lost my career as a Nurse due to permanent medical disability. I miss it so much and it’s hard for me to really find a good balance physically and emotionally.
    Anyway, I just want you to know I’m really truly grateful for you and your YouTube channel. I come from a family of many hypocritical Christians, so I understand why you feel how you do. I might not have the same opinion with you but what I do know is it’s great that we can agree on so many things but respect each other’s thoughts and opinions, without judgment and still like who each other is as women! Although I realize you don’t know me as well as I’ve had the privilege of learning about you more from your channel but I’ll just say we have the same sense of humor 🤣.
    Keep up the great work however you feel compelled, I enjoy it all!!! p.s.: HI to Lee, Bailey and the other family members ❤

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